Old Testament marriage and family law governs parental relationships as well. A survey of some texts on a father’s duties to his children and their duties to him provides additional insight into marriage and family under Old Testament law. Fathers were expected to provide for their young. The law required them to teach the law to their children. (Deut. 6:7; 11:19). Proverbs is filled with sayings directed to fathers and their children.
Fathers could sell their children out as servants or buy their neighbors children as servants.. If a male servant married a female servant, he had to leave her behind once his time of service ended (Ex. 21:1-11). Laws regarding service took precedent over laws regarding marriage. Holy matrimony apparently did not inspire sentiments as strong as holy servitude.
Fathers arranged the marriages of their children. Genesis details the transaction of Abraham, Laban, and others as they arranged the marriages of their children. Custom permitted parents to inquire into the wishes of their children. The arrangements usually included a bride price (Gen. 24:53; Ex. 22:17). Neighboring pagan peoples shared the same customs ( Gen. 34:6-12). Usually the fathers arranged marriages within the clan. Again, Genesis details consanguineous marriage of the Jewish patriarchs.
Children’s duties included obedience to parents. Children being children, this is only common sense. One of the “Ten Commandments” required that child honor their parents (Ex. 20:12). Failure to do so became a source of shame. Proverbs, again, contains several sayings about foolish and rebellious children. Old Testament law dealt severely with children whose rebellion crossed certain lines. It required the execution of children who cursed or physically assaulted parents. (Ex. 21:15,17). This might wipe out entire teen departments in many churches.
So what are we to make of this? On the one hand, the Old Testament description of marriage and case law about marriage suggests a traditional patriarchal family structure that differed little from surrounding peoples of that era. Most other peoples had similar family structures and relationships. The little evidence we have about marriage in ancient Greece suggests a similar pattern: rule by the father over the wives who had no property rights or rights to divorce and rule over children, including arranging of marriages. Aristotle suggested that the husband’s rule over the wife was constitutional and his rule over the children was royal. With the paucity of historical evidence, it is impossible to discern how this distinction played out in day to day affairs. We do not even know if Aristotle’s passage described how marriages ought to be conceived or how they actually were conceived.
On the other hand, compared to Roman practice Old Testament law seems very harsh. Roman women enjoyed much more autonomy. They could own property. They enjoyed more freedom in arrangement of marriages. They could initiate divorce. Adultery was a civil issue at least until the reforms of Augustus. It did not constitute a criminal offense which required the death penalty. In many respects Old Testament descriptions of marriage and case law about marriage resembles traditional Semitic culture that persists today in Islamic countries. In those lands one finds patriarchy with total domination by the fathers over the lives of their wives and children. The Old Testament and Islamic concept of patriarchal marriage differs dramatically from today’s concept of marriage as a partnership .
Aside from some common sense or natural elements that include marriage between a man and woman, parents providing for their children, and parental direction of children, Old Testament law has little insight to offer about modern Western marriage. Today we do not arrange marriages with relatives. We do not expect bride prices and dowries. We do not typically “Lord” authority over wives and expect them to call us “Lord.“ We do not deny women the legal right to divorce husbands. And except maybe in Texas, we cannot legally kill them for adultery. And we do not force rape victims to wed their assailants.
Old Testament case law might be useful to the Christian minorities in traditional societies like those in Pakistan; but is has little to say to us in the modern West.